I’ve been up since 7:30 this morning so I’m cranky. My breasts are so fucking sore and my hormones are making me super bitchy. And sad. You know what else is making me sad? Not having a home. Wondering if moving here was a huge mistake…actually, I’ve been questioning a lot of my choices lately, but we won’t get into that. I have to be up in 8 hours so I can make the hour commute to work, praying the whole time that I don’t get pulled over for some bullshit cause if I do I’m going to jail. I’ll go to work for 6 hours and the make the hour commute back, praying some more. The whole time I’m driving, I’m thinking about all the things that stress me out (not having a home, having to provide for me and my husband without any help because he’s unemployed, my car payment…etc) and slowly spiraling into a pit and somehow I’m supposed to come “home” and have some sort of sex drive and I don’t have the heart to tell my husband I’m just not feeling it. It’s just easier for me to fake it than to tell him how fucking miserable I am, how joyless life is, how exhausting intimacy feels.
Just let me sink into my pit and forget about me.